


idiot

by BigBadLex



Series: ryan smokes weed but matt hasnt and it's dumb [1]
Category: supermega
Genre: Anxiety, Blow Jobs, Fucking, M/M, One Night Stands, Smut, first time smoking, im so dumb, it's so long my dudes, mostly not smut sorry, or is it???, slight angst, smoking weed, this is so dumb, wow this might be so boring but whateva
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-11 23:15:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18434135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BigBadLex/pseuds/BigBadLex
Summary: Matt lied through his teeth, not fully convincing the man in front of him. Ryan pursed his lips, his high evidently decreasing, his eyes flicking around Matt’s face, searching for something. Matt tried to smile again, his teeth showing as he brushed his hair off his forehead.





	idiot

**Author's Note:**

> this might be so boring but i got so caught up in building world and characters but i failed ughhhh. hope at least one person enjoys this

The ringing of the alarm blared through the still air, Matt’s body slightly stirring. Letting the sharp pitch intertwine with his breathing, Matt slithered his hands under his pillowcase, sighing into the chill enveloping his arms. He lied still for a second, waiting until the noise was unbearable, slipping out of bed. Matt reached over to his bedside table, turning off his phone alarm while squinting at the bright screen. Blinking, he grabbed his glasses, running his fingers through his hair as he fiddled with his phone with his other hand. 

Walking to his dresser, Matt glanced at his face, throwing himself a weak smile, immediately grimacing at his dark bags and his teeth. Avoiding his eyes, he looked through for a top, settling on pink jumper with Playstation logos on the sleeves. Grabbing his black overalls off his chair, Matt placed his phone in the pocket, softly grinning at how perfectly it fit. Feeling his second alarm go off, Matt walked in to the bathroom and ignored his face as he brushed his hair and teeth.

Opening his door, the sound of his roommate bustling in the kitchen brought a suspicious look on Matt’s face. Making a stop in the laundry room, grabbing a pair of socks and stuffing it in his pocket, Matt watched Ross as he cooked himself breakfast. Raising his eyebrows, he made his way beside Ross, startling him.

“Jesus Christ, Matt. You’re gonna give me a heart attack,” his hand on his chest, Ross laughed, flipping his singular pancake. Matt chuckled, leaning against the counter. “What are you doing awake?”

“I should ask you the same thing since you know I have a morning lecture today,” Matt pushed himself off the counter, using his momentum to get to the fridge. Ross sighed, plopping his pancake on his plate, brushing his hair out of his face. Matt grabbed the box of strawberries he recently bought, walking over to the sink to wash them. Transferring them into a bag, Matt smiled as Ross swiftly reached in to grab one,taking a huge bite. “You never answered my question, y’know?”

“What? Can’t hear you, I’m chewing!”, Ross laughed as he poured syrup on his pancake, loudly smacking his lips. Matt simply rolled his eyes, too tired to argue. 

Putting a water bottle in his bag, Matt double checked he had everything he needed, chewing on the inside of his cheek as he counted over and over. Licking his lips, he turned to wave Ross goodbye, almost walking out their apartment door before rushing back in. Ross raised his eyebrows, choking on his food from laughter as Matt grabbed his keys and slipped on his shoes, speed walking out the door as if nothing had happened. Locking the door, Matt groaned on the other side of it, closing his eyes tightly. 

Twiddling with the bag of strawberries, Matt clenched his jaw as more and more people stood by the bus station. Grinding his teeth, his eyes rapidly scanned for the bus, repeating the name of which bus he had to go on. His stomach churned as a man stood slightly close to him, his heart beating fast, the unbearable feeling of his heartbeat in his ears. Matt tried to act as calm as possible, keeping his breathing shallow. Swearing in his head, he beat himself over for not being comfortable with riding the bus by how many times he’s done it.

As the bus pulled up, Matt reached into his pocket for the loose dollar he left just for this, straightening it with his fingers. Paying his fair, it was to Matt’s nightmare as there was no seats to sit at. Pulling his jumper over his hands, he grabbed the pole, tapping his fingers against his leg. Matt tried to keep his face emotionless as the bus whizzed by the stores and other cars. He gripped the pole tighter as people got on and off, breaking his personal bubble for a split moment. As he reached closer to his stop, he held his breath, biting down on his lip.

Walking out the bus, he took his route to his college, shaking his arms so his jumper would cover his fingers. Matt tightened his grip on his bag, feeling his feet pound on the floor as he walked. Looking down at the ground, he counted his steps. One, two, three, four. Tilting his head up periodically, Matt tried to pace his breathing with his footing, stumbling as he overthought himself. Pushing his glasses farther up his face, he grabbed his phone, tapping on the black screen.

Entering the classroom, Matt quickly rushed to a seat, taking out all his materials and setting them up in a neat way. Sucking his teeth, Matt flipped through all his notes, refreshing himself on what exactly he learned. He glanced at the professor, seeing him prepare his projector. Silently thanking him, Matt sighed, his shoulders releasing their tension as there were no quiz that he had forgotten about. Gulping, Matt grabbed a mechanical pencil, flipping to a new page in his notebook.

\------

Biting down into a strawberry, a tiny smile slipped onto Matt’s face as the sweetness surprised his tongue. Waiting for the bus to come, Matt swayed from side to side, grateful for less people at the bus top. While placing the top of the strawberry back in the plastic bag, someone strolled up to Matt, a laugh leaving his lips. Matt tightened his lips into a line, adjusting his bag as the man came closer, his heartbeat quickening. Gaining up the courage, he shifted his eyes over to the side, seeing a slightly shorter man with long, dark hair and a beard. The man continued to giggle, his smile drawing Matt’s attention as it filled his chest with curiosity and joy. Looking up into his reddened eyes, Matt meekly smiled at the man. 

“Hi there,” the man spoke, calming his laughter a bit. Matt simply nodded, transferring his weight from one foot to another. “Not much of a talker?”, the man tilted his head, stuffing his hands into his pockets, facing half his body towards Matt. 

“No, I don’t think so. Maybe I am? I’m just really tired, sorry,” Matt spat out, twisting the strawberry bag between his fingers, staring at the floor with a small blush on his cheeks. He nervously placed his berries back into his bag, looking down the street to see if the bus was coming, unbelievably aware of the man who was still staring at him. Turning his head, Matt flinched as more people were next to the man, but the man didn’t seem to care as his eyes were focused on Matt.

As the bus rolled in, the man patted Matt on the shoulder, walking in front of him to the opening doors. Swallowing thickly, Matt combed his hair with his fingers, taking out his dollar. When he got on, there was only one seat open and it was next to the dark haired man. The bus had jolted, continuing its schedule, forcing Matt to find somewhere to stabilize him. Breathing in through his nose, the strong smell of weed filling it, Matt sat down next to where the source was coming from.

Matt put his bag on his lap, carefully taking out another strawberry from his plastic baggie, attempting to be as casual as he could. Biting into the juicy fruit, Matt gazed over to his side, seeing the man staring out the window, twiddling with the strings of his hoodie. Chewing, Matt tried to discreetly snuck glances, ignoring the people behind him talking loudly. Suddenly, the man looked at him, causing Matt to blush as he focused on his strawberries once more. The man smiled at him, gesturing to his arm, making Matt look in the direction.

“Playstation?,” the man said, facing his full attention towards Matt. Looking at his sleeve, Matt tried a close mouth smile as he nodded.

“I like GameCube more, but Playstation is still fun,” Matt shook his leg, trying his hardest to keep a normal voice. The man made him nervous, but not in a way where he was wishing and praying the next stop was his. The man had a nature about him that was open and chill. Matt couldn’t figure it out if it was because he was high or that was just the way he presented himself. 

“What’s your favorite GameCube game then?”, the stranger asked, his eyes steady on Matt’s eyes, his smile turning softer as Matt looked down. Rubbing the back of his neck, Matt sighed, debating in his head.

“Animal Crossing,” he mumbled, prepared for the ridicule that never came. Glancing over at the man, all Matt saw was him with what he presumed was a thoughtful look. Matt continued to look at him, watching his brain form the right response. 

“I tried Animal Crossing before. Never really got into it, but the fishing was pleasant. Maybe I should get back into it? Would you recommended it?”, his even flow of words seemed to enrapture Matt’s brain, grins forming on both their faces. Matt lifted up his head, his leg bouncing a bit slower. Before he could talk, someone tapped his shoulder through the gap of the seats.

“Ryan? The next stop is ours,” looking over at the voice, Ryan frowned at her, shifting in his seat. Matt gulped, a pit forming in his stomach, glancing over at the screen that says the next stop. Trying to quickly think, Matt barely noticed Ryan patting him on the shoulder. As Ryan stood up, Matt decided fast that Burbank wasn’t too far from Glendale. Getting out of his seat, Matt let Ryan walk in front of him, placing his fruit in his bag. He followed Ryan to the door, shooting him a smile, being greeted his a confused one.

“This your stop?”

“Yeah,” Matt tried to confidently say, facing the doors once again, his breath getting caught in his throat. 

“What’s your name?,” Ryan nudged Matt, ignoring his friends who were laughing their asses off. Matt turned his head, Ryan’s eyebrows furrowed with his head slightly tilted. 

“I’m Matt,” he uttered gently, the doors opening. Ryan outstretched his arms, letting Matt get off first, his friends following suit. Matt looked up at the sky, feeling a vibration on his chest from his phone. Putting the thought of it to the back of his mind, he watched as Ryan and his group started to get ready to walk.

“Which way you headin’?”, Ryan said. Matt’s ears perked up, a blush forming on his neck as he looked around his surroundings. A high pitch laugh left Ryan’s mouth, causing Matt to stare at his converse, his blush traveling up to his cheeks. “Didn’t know I made such a great first impression,” beaming, Ryan lightly tugged on Matt’s sleeve, guided him to the right.

His mind racing, Matt’s eyes flicked from side to side, realization hitting him. Matt’s breathing began to quicken as all the awful thoughts of what could happen to him flooded in. Ryan blindly followed his friends, two guys and their girlfriends, while his hand softly held onto Matt’s wrist. Matt was tense, his entire body stiffly obliging to what was happening. Ryan looked back at him, a serene grin resting on his lips, his eyes half lidded. Matt forced himself to look as calm as possible, his head jolting to the side as his body got overwhelmed.

He was only looking at him for a second, Ryan’s hair falling partially in his face, but it felt like the entire would had stopped for seconds, minutes, hours, to Matt. Noticing how he had to look down caused the corners of his mouth to twitch. A tint on his cheeks formed, his eyes wandering away from the back of Ryan’s head, glancing around their surroundings. Matt knitted his brows, seeing them walking through a park towards some apartments. Leaning closer to Ryan, Matt gained up the courage to speak.

“Where are we going?”, Matt croaked into his ear, his voice being caught in his throat at the end. Ryan started to walk backwards, stumbling over his feet but managing not to fall, dazedly grinning. Matt could feel his head pulsing from anxiety, rapidly blinking as the panicked feeling engulfed his chest. Ryan frowned at him, stopping himself from walking.

“You alright, Matt?”, shivers shot through him as his name fell out of Ryan’s mouth. Licking his lip, Matt went to speak, his eyes flickering everywhere but the man in front of him. He couldn’t believe what he was doing. One and two, three and four, counting his breathing, his hands becoming sweaty. Ryan intensely looked at him, digging into him, tearing into his skin. Everything felt hot.

“Yeah. Just wanna know, uh, where we’re going. Yeah, I’m fine,” Matt shook out his hair, it sticking to his forehead from how much he was sweating. It was getting warm in his jumper and overalls, even though it was 70 degrees, his body starting to sway. He reached inside his bag, taking giant gulps of the cool water, closing his eyes as Ryan’s stare swallowed him whole.

“We’re going to mine to smoke. I never asked if you did that sort of stuff,” chuckling, Ryan stepped closer, gazing up at the exact moment Matt opened his eyes. His heart was caught in his chest, his mind screaming at him at how idiotic he’s being. Matt choked up, struggling to put on a reassuring smile. He felt unbelievably drawn to this man, his phone vibrating again on his chest, fighting with himself to just answer Ross’s call and get himself out of the situation. He looked down at Ryan, seeing his concerned face, his stomach churning.

“I’ve tried,” he hasn’t, “but it’s been a while,” never happened. Matt lied through his teeth, not fully convincing the man in front of him. Ryan pursed his lips, his high evidently decreasing, his eyes flicking around Matt’s face, searching for something. Matt tried to smile again, his teeth showing as he brushed his hair off his forehead.

Ryan hesitantly grinned at him, his hand gripping Matt’s wrist looser than before. Matt sighed quietly, feeling dizzy, seeing Ryan’s friends laugh and chat while they waited for them. He couldn’t breathe. Matt shifted his shoulders, his keys jangling in his bag. The sounds of cars whizzed by, the wind from them passing whipping Ryan’s hair all about. The sun shone down, the heat hitting the top of Matt’s hair, warming up his already sweating body. Ryan, the smell of weed filling his nose strongly, his grip tightening the closer they got to his friends; everything was too much.

Biting down on his tongue, Matt faced the floor, his thoughts running around his brain. Laughter became louder and louder in his ears, the rapid buzzing on his chest, it was driving him crazy. Ryan let go of Matt’s wrist, causing a small sigh leave his throat, watching Ryan unlock the gate. Watching the people walk inside, Matt stood still, his tongue slithering back to choke any words that wanted to burst out. He thought of running, forgetting that any of this had ever happened. Forgetting the bus ride, forgetting the smell of drugs, forgetting Ryan.

The thought made him sick.

Messing with his hair for one last time, Matt followed the group, keeping close to Ryan as much as he hated it. The way Ryan walked with his hands in his pockets, the rattling of whatever was in his pocket, his hair being tucked behind his ears, drove Matt insane. His face was burned into his mind. Ryan would turn and smile at Matt, his hair tucked behind his ears, causing a swelling sensation to form in Matt’s chest. He drunk up every smile Ryan gave him, recording the way he felt each time he glanced down at his lips. All of it seemed to put him in a trance as his body reacted to his anxiety. 

As they grew near to what Matt assumed was Ryan’s apartment, he started to scratch his arm, nerves building up again. Fishing out his keys, Ryan started to giggle along with his friends, opening the door. Matt reluctantly walked inside, staying a few feet behind everyone else. As everyone found somewhere comfortable to sit, Matt stood by the open window, inhaling deeply. He held his breath, faintly hearing someone call his name, exhaling after a few seconds. 

“Already rolled one for you, Matt,” Ryan gestured to the blunt in between his fingers, a steady smile on his face. Nodding at him, Matt sat next to Ryan, shakily taking the blunt. Looking over from the corner of his eye, Matt watched as Ryan’s friends already lit theirs, sharing. Turning to Ryan, Matt gazed at his lighter, seeing him light it with ease. “I can tell you’re nervous,” Ryan spoke, lighting the blunt, pushing it gently to Matt’s lips, “This will help with it.”

Lightly placing it to his lips, Matt inhaled a tiny bit, about to blow it out. “Breathe in again,” Ryan softly said, prompting Matt to do as he was told. A burning sensation formed in his chest, coughing immediately, smoke spilling out his lips. As Matt heaved, he faintly noticed a tender hand being placed on his knee, his brain slowly processing everything that just happened. The blunt got removed from his hands, tears swelling at the corners of Matt’s eyes. He watched Ryan take a long breath in from the blunt, coughing a tiny bit before passing it over.

Matt stared at it again, repeating what he had done previously, breathing it in longer, despite his better judgement. Starting another coughing fit, he was starting to feel something different, something new. Matt continued to cough, passing the blunt to Ryan, his body slowly relaxing after he caught his breath. He blinked, watching Ryan taking another hit, brushing his hair away. Ryan leaned his head back, blowing the smoke into the air. Matt heard his friends talking, their voices so close but so far. 

He reached his hand out, observing Ryan as he laughed, a toothy grin on his face as he hit again. Matt licked his lips, the sun shining on Ryan’s face, his hair glistening as he leaned closer to him. Ryan grabbed Matt’s chin, his thumb pressing down hard on Matt’s lower lip, blowing smoke into his mouth. Matt breathed it in, his eyes slitted as their lips were so close, Ryan’s skin burning his. Matt desperately wanted to lean in, drown himself in Ryan’s touch, his head going lighter as his thoughts were barely strung together. Brushing his lips against Matt’s, Ryan leaned away, waiting until Matt focused his eyes on him to show him a wide smirk on his lips.

Matt felt like he was living in another world. He tried to keep himself as grounded as possible, desperate not to do anything he’d regret, his thoughts moving quick but slow. He desperately reached out towards the blunt, taking a huge hit, holding it in his chest before releasing it. A full high corrupting his brain, Matt eyes flickered throughout the room, his eyes landing on the the couples who were laughing at something. Squinting his eyes, Matt figured out they were laughing the curly haired man trying to unlock his phone. A smile erupted on his lips.

He felt anxious still. He felt out of place. He was in a stranger’s house, doing something he’s never done. Everything felt too much. Matt looked over at Ryan, tapping the blunt, his hair falling into his face. Ryan licked his lips, placing them delicately on the blunt. Matt watched from under his eyelashes, his mouth slightly agape, his legs bouncing. Matt felt like his heart was going to burst, he stopped breathing. Ryan lifted his neck, the smoke effortlessly filling the higher air of the room. Matt swallowed thickly, catching Ryan’s eyes, knowing he was in over his head for another reason.

\------

“Want to stay the night?”, Ryan whispered, causing Matt to remove his eyes from the ceiling. 

“What?”

“There’s no way you’re making it home in this state,” Ryan walked over to his bed where Matt was lying. The couples were packing their things in the living room, double to triple to quadruple checking they had everything before they left. Matt rubbed his mouth, turning his body to face Ryan, his heart beating hard in his chest. The smell of weed had traveled into Ryan’s bedroom, the window open to get fresh air, washing the smell out before anyone got suspicious of them. 

Before Matt could stop himself, he pushed back Ryan’s hair behind his ear, a bright smile on his lips as he admired the man in front of him. Ryan mirrored his expression, Matt’s eyes flickering around Ryan’s face. Matt thought about how stupid everything was. He thought about how badly he could’ve fucked his life but he repressed them. He finally kept his thoughts focused on Ryan’s lips. He watched them move as Ryan spoke, his hands fiddling with the ends of Ryan’s hair, his chest swelling up. He didn’t hear what Ryan said, too absorbed in the way he moved his lips, inching closer to him. Gazing into his eyes, Matt watched as Ryan leaned in, his eyes closing.

The high faintly still up in Matt’s mind, he closes his eyes, feeling Ryan tenderly grab the side of his face before their lips touched. Softly, they kissed, long and slightly messy. Ryan’s hair fell onto Matt’s face, his beard scratching him. Matt felt like he was erupting with every emotions imaginable, his hands tugging Ryan’s hair harder. Matt broke for air first, Ryan pecking the side of his mouth, shivers running down Matt’s arms. Kissing him a bit harder with more confidence, Matt strained his neck, drawing Ryan closer. 

Shifting into a sitting position, Matt stopped and watched Ryan, seeing him rest beside him. Tiring his hair back Matt felt his throat close up, his body on fire when Ryan grabbed his wrist, his movements slow but desperate. Guiding him onto his lap, Matt’s heart raced, his hands shaking as he straddled Ryan, not knowing where to put them. Ryan grabbed onto his hands, trying to stop them from shaking, a sweet smile on his lips as he looked up at Matt.

“Is this alright?”

“What is?”

“Us kissing, is this ok?”, Ryan spoke with concern littering his words. Matt immediately nodded his head, a dumb nose coming out his mouth as Ryan played with his fingers, his eyes keen on all of Matt’s facial expression. Ryan’s finger moved in between each knuckle, “I need a verbal answer.”

“Yes, this is so fucking okay,” Matt felt like itching, becoming restless, needing to feel Ryan’s lips on him again. Ryan smiled, his eyes drinking up Matt, how he perched on his lap, placing his hands on his face. Ryan proceeds to put his own on Matt’s waist, his thumb rubbing circles across the thin fabric. Matt grinned, hands finding their way to Ryan’s ponytail, moving to kiss him fully. Quietly, Matt tried to kiss without making a nose, a blush tinting his cheeks when a small moan left his lips, Ryan licking into his mouth. 

The grip on his waist got tighter. Matt moved closer to Ryan, their body heat interfering with the others. Matt kissed him harder, his body sinking downwards onto Ryan’s lap, infatuated with the way he tasted. Matt’s glasses bumped against Ryan’s face, his embarrassment dissipating as he pressed his body flush against Ryan, a deep groan filling his ears. Matt moved his hands down to Ryan’s shoulders, gripping tightly to them for stability, his mind dancing around Ryan. He wanted to get closer to him, his fingers messing with Ryan’s shirt, the black fabric covering soft skin. He wanted him, he needed more of him. 

He stopped to catch his breath, his heads towards the ceiling, Ryan immediately kissed down his jaw. Matt felt teeth nipping at his skin, sucking dark marks into his neck, a sharp inhale through the noise prompting Ryan to continue. Ryan gladly hummed, leaving a hickey wherever his lips touch. “You’re so pretty,” Ryan mumbled from Matt’s neck. Matt let out a tiny whine, Ryan stopped to look at his littered neck, his cock becoming more prominent in his pants. Matt adjusted himself in Ryan’s lap, feeling Ryan hold him steady by the hips, whispering a “fuck” into the warm air. 

Matt grinding down, forgetting how good it felt to be intimate with someone again. He let out a louder moan as Ryan rubbed his skin under his shirt, kissing the underside of his chin. Biting down on his lip, rocking his hips, his eyes closed shut as he felt Ryan get harder and harder. He gulped, his mind getting foggy, Matt bent down to kiss Ryan, desperate to chase the good feeling he was feeling. He felt Ryan thrust up to each time he grinded, making him yelp, his body screaming for more. 

“Please,” Matt struggled to get out, panting as Ryan had one hand on his chin, the other on his waist.

“What do you want me to do?”, Ryan titled Matt’s head down to look at him fully, his voice soft. Matt gnawed on his lip, struggling to open his eyes, a blush on his cheeks.

“Please, just, fuck me,” Matt muttered, feeling the heat on his face growing.

“Do you want that?”, Ryan smirked, stifling out another moan from him. 

“Yes, oh god, yes,” Matt felt himself be taken off Ryan’s lap, his shirt thrown off before he could think. He didn’t know if he did that himself or Ryan, his brain too focused on his need for skin contact with Ryan. He stood in the open air, unbuckling his belt while slipping off his socks. Once he stood in his boxers, he finally looked back at Ryan, seeing him walk to his drawer, mirroring his outfit. Matt fiddled with a loose string on his boxers, a stupid smile on his face as he saw Ryan grab lube and a condom.

Ryan firmly but carefully grabbed him by the chin, staring into his eyes, looking for approval. Matt showed his teeth in a grin, being met with a kiss, Ryan’s other hand in his hair. Matt sunk to his knees, looking down at the ground as he situated himself and his long limbs. Ryan gaped down at him, taking a moment to realize what was happening before stepping closer to him. Matt raised himself a bit, his warm hands running alongside Ryan’s thighs, moving them to his waistband. Licking his lips, he pulled them down.

Biting down hard on his lower lip, Matt watched as Ryan’s cock popped out, barely holding back a grin. He flattened his tongue on his tip, moving it down the side of his shaft. Feeling Ryan place his fingers in his hair, Matt spat and pumped his hand around his cock, putting the tip in his mouth. Swirling his tongue around it, he slowly inched farther and farther down Ryan’s dick, gripping his thigh tightly. Bobbing his head, Matt lazily covered his teeth with his lips, completely forgetting his own wants and needs.

His hair getting pulled, Ryan’s cock almost at the back of his throat, the pain in his knees, it all felt like heaven. Ryan cursed beneath his breath, a muffled moan leaving Matt’s throat after hearing it. Ryan bucked his hips. Choking a bit, Matt pulled off, stroking a bit faster as he caught his breath. Ryan moved his hands, placing his own on both sides of Matt’s cheeks, fucking himself into his mouth. 

Moaning, Matt felt himself get harder, making sure to keep eye contact with Ryan as he hit the back of his throat. Gagging, he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, palming himself through his boxers. Suddenly, Ryan pulled out his mouth, helping him stand up and walked to the bed. Spit fell down Matt’s chin, a wide smile on his lips as he stripped his last piece of clothing. Wiping his face with his arm, he got on the bed, grabbing the lube.

Ryan kissed him softly as he pushed two lubed up fingers inside him, lightly pushing him backwards so he was more comfortable. Moving his fingers in and out, Matt whined, biting Ryan’s lip softly. Matt felt Ryan stroking him, kissing him harder, his mind going higher. He resisted the urge to giggle, fucking himself faster, Ryan’s hand moving in the same speed. Adding another finger, he began to stretch himself out even more, reddening in the face. 

Ryan kissed his jaw, then his neck, moving back to look at him fully. “You’re so fucking pretty,” he muttered, watching as Matt sped up, his face scrunched up as he let out small noises. Ryan sat there, pumping himself and Matt at the same time, waiting for Matt to ready himself. After a couple of minutes, Matt stopped, using his other hand to grab onto Ryan’s wrist.

“I’m ready, please,” Matt’s eyes were half lidded, a dopey smile as Ryan kissed him, whimpering as he licked into his mouth.

Matt stared at Ryan as he put on the condom, lining himself up. Matt made a little groan as Ryan slowly edged himself in, his body feeling hot. He felt like he was burning up, his hairs standing on edge as his high clouded his mind less than his pleasure, both of them intertwining. Ryan fully pushed himself inside, a deep moan forming in the back of his throat, looking in Matt’s eyes. 

Ryan pressed the back of Matt’s thighs forward, using them to stabilize himself as he rocked his hips. Looking down at Matt with darker eyes, Ryan took in shallow breaths as he fucked him. Matt rested one hand over Ryan’s, his other tugging himself, harshly biting his tongue. He tried to get used to the pain quickly, wishing he wasn’t so impatient, pushing back onto Ryan’s cock. 

Pointing his head at the ceiling, Matt kept his eyes shut, enjoying all of the things happening to him. Ryan squeezed his thighs, forcing them down, making sure Matt stayed still. Matt grunted, breathing harshly through his nose, feeling Ryan speeding up. “Look at me, baby,” Ryan commanded, pounding into Matt, triggering him to yelp. Struggling to keep his eyes open, Matt gazed up at Ryan, his entire body being moved by his thrusts. 

Ryan removed one hand to fuck Matt into his fist, letting him grab onto something, anything. Matt dug his nails into the bed sheets, hearing the creaking of the mattress in the back of his mind, Ryan’s moans encapsulating his brain. Fucking him harder, Matt giggled from delight, everything overwhelming his senses, his body slightly shaking. He looked at Ryan, a smile ripe on both their lips, being interrupted when Ryan hit a certain spot. Matt let out a yell, screwing his eyes close, laughing as felt himself dip down in the bed.

“I think- I think I’m gonna cum,” Matt barely got out between breaths, his eyes rolling back for a second. He couldn’t stop thinking about how good it felt, being a bit disconnected but ever so there, having someone touch you and fuck you as hard as they could; he was in heaven. Ryan twisted his hand, swiftly stroking Matt, finding a perfect rhythm. His thighs shaking, toes curling, Matt felt himself cumming hard into Ryan’s hand, grinding down hard on his teeth.  
As he came back to his senses, he raised his hand to cup Ryan’s cheek, bringing him down to kiss. Fucking him faster, Matt barely heard Ryan ask him if he could cum on him. Matt nodded without hesitation, a small noise leaving his mouth as Ryan pulled out of him, stroking himself desperately. Cumming on his chest, Matt grinned with his eyes closed, still trying to process what was happening. 

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” Ryan gently said after a minute, kissing Matt’s neck with such care, leaving the room to get a washcloth. Matt tried to sit up, deciding it was better that he stayed put, patiently waiting for Ryan to come back. Entering the room, Ryan wiped off Matt with a warm and wet cloth, laughing as Matt squirmed, running his hands down the sides of him.

Getting wrapped up in covers, Ryan patted the area beside him, embracing Matt when he made his way over to him. Lightly kissing his hair, his arm holding him close to his chest. Matt sighed, soaking up Ryan’s body heat, taking note on how lovely it is to be physically close to someone before falling asleep.

\------

Waking up, Matt blinked at his unfamiliar surrounding, his body flush against someone else’s. Keeping one eye closed, the sun shining a bit too bright, Matt yawned. Looking around with slight panic, large chunks of what happened came flooding back, staring at the clothes on the floor. Taking in a deep breath through his nose, he unraveled himself from Ryan, extremely careful not to wake him up. 

Matt felt like puking. He sat at the edge of Ryan’s bed, a little patch of blankets covering himself, his head going a million miles per minute. Resting his head in his hands, Matt tried to focus on his breathing, welcoming the darkness his hands were providing. Thinking about what to do next, he sighed, hearing rustling behind him. Dropping his hands, Matt listened but stayed facing the wall, not able to get the courage to look at Ryan.

“You all right?”, Ryan yawned, his words barely distinguishable but worry still evident. Twiddling with his thumbs as he watched dust float through sunlight, Matt deeply exhaled, brushing his feet across the floor. 

He hated this, he hated it all. He hated how much he already liked Ryan. He hated how much he missed being physically with someone. He hated how he let himself be this stupid. Shifting in the bed, he looked over at Ryan, his eyes welling up as concern washed over Ryan’s face. “I just don’t know why I’m an actual idiot,” Matt tried to steady his voice as he spoke, licking his dry lips. Ryan furrowed his brows, opening his mouth to speak before closing it. Matt looked away, pathetically smiling, curling his arms around his torso. 

“What... exactly do you mean?”, Ryan sounded hesitant, causing Matt to feel even sicker. 

“I did everything I always said I’d never do. I went home with a stranger, smoked, and had a one night stand,” Matt’s voice was uneven, his nose tingling as he felt his eyesight get blurry.

“Do you regret it?”

Matt blinked, a couple of tears falling down as he rubbed his face. “I thought I would, but I’m more scared of if you do,” choking out his words, Matt violently rubbed his face, his breathing rapid. He felt his brain caving in with his chest, every bit of his senses burning him alive. He couldn’t imagine what Ryan was thinking, what he was feeling, what his face looked like. Matt’s whole body was shaking, desperate to keep his composure but his brain ready to break down. 

“Hey, hey, I don’t regret a thing,” the movement of Ryan moving closer to him startled Matt more than his words, his brain barely processing anything. 

“Did you take advantage of me?”, Matt croaked, listening to Ryan’s quick response.

“Of course not. I know this whole situation is shady, but I’d never do that to anyone, ever,” Ryan’s voice safe, gingerly placed his hand on Matt’s shoulder, uncertainty in the air. Unbearably craving comfort of any kind, Matt leaned into Ryan’s touch, profusely apologizing for everything. Ryan pulled Matt into his chest, shushing him.

Eventually, Matt calmed down a bit, placing his chin on Ryan’s collarbone. Inhaling, Matt dropped his shoulders, fully drained from crying. Humming as Ryan ran his fingers through his hair, Matt closed his eyes, letting himself be vulnerable with him. He was being stupid again, but he didn’t care, enjoying the feeling of everything Ryan was. “What a way to wake up, huh?”

Matt chuckled, coughing a bit near the end of it. Feeling sleepy again, Matt mumbled something about going back to bed, barely intelligible to himself. The sound of Ryan saying the time was in the back of his mind, slowly processing. After a couple of seconds, Matt’s eyes flung open, jolting off of Ryan’s chest. Ryan looked at him with worry, Matt gazing at his face for a moment before smashing their lips together. Ryan placed his hands on either side of Matt’s face, pouting when he pulled away.

Jumping out of the bed, Matt threw on his clothes, cringing at how gross they felt on his body. Checking all of his pockets, Matt looked at Ryan with wild eyes, frantically but neatly searching around the room, for his phone. Ryan stayed put, a small smile on his lips, his hands folded in his lap, his smile growing as Matt rolled his eyes. 

“Do you know where my phone is?”

“Might be in the living room?”, Ryan spoke, laughing as Matt dashed out the room. 

Seeing his phone on the couch, Matt scooped it up, a wave of nerves flowing through his body. Turning it on, he scrolled down to his contacts, ignoring all of Ross’s messages and missed calls. He could deal with it all later. Walking quickly back to Ryan’s room, he shoved his phone into his hands. “Write down your number.” 

Raising his eyebrows, Ryan grabbed the phone, rubbing his eyes. Matt’s eyes bounced around Ryan’s face, his throat closing up when he smiled up at him. Nodding his head, Matt took his phone back, awkwardly standing for a second as his mind went blank. Ryan held onto his hand, giving it a squeeze, a gentle expression on his face as Matt blushed. 

“I have a lecture to go to right now,” Matt spoke, unsure of what to do with his limbs, tilting forward and backwards. “So I guess this is a goodbye?”

“I guess so,” Ryan smiled, lightly tugging Matt down to kiss him. It was short and sweet, Matt smiling as Ryan interlaced their fingers. Matt didn’t know why he felt so attached to him, his heart fluttering as Ryan’s eyes watched his facial expression. Matt sighed deeply, slowly backing up, their hands dropping as he made his way towards the door. Spinning on his feet, Matt walked out, double checking that he had his bag with all his things in it, his mind still a bit foggy and tired.

\------

“I’m going to kill you!”, Ross’s voice rung in Matt’s ears, causing him to pull his phone away from him.

“You’re going to have to wait a bit, I have another lecture today,” Matt felt his stomach twist, his brain still not completely processed on what happened. Matt gulped as he heard Ross groan.

“Where were you? Why didn’t you pick up your phone? Or at least look at it! Where even are you now?,” Ross was speaking quickly, his voice raising and lowering, his worry fluctuating.

“I’m on a bus.”

“You didn’t answer the rest of the questions, Matt.”

Tugging at his bottom lip, Matt looked at the streets passing by, seeing his stop was coming up. He exhaled into the phone, silence on both ends as Matt gathered his stuff. “I’ll tell you when I get home, ok?”, Matt said, hearing an exasperated sigh. Laughing, Matt hung up without warning, walking off the bus with his stomach rumbling. Pouting, he opened his messages, attempting to text and walk, telling Ross to make him some food.

Feeling his phone buzz in his hands, Matt’s heartbeat sped up as he read “ryan” at the top of his screen. Tapping his screen quickly, Matt tried to breath, stopping in his tracks. A wide smile formed on his lips as he read the message over and over again, butterflies filling his stomach like he’s liked Ryan for years. 

_Ryan : ‘hope your lecture isnt too boring’_

Matt giggled, typing out a response before scurrying to class.

_Matt : ‘Nothing in my life is boring’_

Feeling his phone vibrate in his hand, Matt ignored it, his face heating up. Once he reached his classroom, he sat down and prepared his work area, bouncing his leg as he texted Ryan. 

_Ryan : ‘doubt it’_

_Matt : ‘Hm?’_

_Ryan : ‘nothing baby :)’_

Matt’s heart stopped, a his grin growing bigger.

_Ryan : ‘now focus in your lesson’_

_Matt : ‘Fine I’ll talk to you after’_

_Ryan : ‘:)))’_

Placing his phone down, Matt placed his hands between his legs, gripping the edge of the chair. He looked at his desk, his face red, unable to calm his breathing and heart rate. Barely noticing his professor walking in, Matt couldn’t concentrate for the rest of the lecture, no matter how hard he tried.


End file.
